Below the Surface of “Awareness”

It is Pinktober.  Again.  Last year, I wrote a scathing criticism of breast cancer marketing, and to date that piece has over 1.3 million page views.  That so many people read it, and are still reading and sharing it over a year later, tells me I’m not the only one who feels whored out by marketers using my terminal ... More

The Truth is What is Useful, Part 37

My grandmother, Joy, is 93 ⅔. (I think when you pass 90 your age should be calculated like when you are under the age of ten.) She is sometimes lucid, and will tell you detailed stories about things that happened a very long time ago, and sometimes she does not know exactly who I am. This time of her life is teaching ... More

FIVE YEARS

Five years ago today I was diagnosed with cancer. This week I have been reflecting on all I have learned since that day, about myself, life, love, and God. Here is what I know for sure. What I Deserve Many people have said to me,"You don't deserve to have cancer!" What do we deserve? For a while I thought we deserved ... More

Fuel To Be Burned

I have been holding gratitude for cancer in a suspense account, thinking that if I am grateful it means that I am happy cancer visited. I have been denying what is there, as is our nature to deny half of everything. While I am unreconciled with cancer, the adversity it brought has given me myself. I see, now, that every ... More

Denial, Cave Paintings and Brick Walls

Just when I catch myself being judgy about someone else’s denial of something difficult that damn boomerang comes back to hit me in the forehead.  Every.  Time.  I am coming to terms with the fact that I will never be done with cancer.  I have come to terms with that before, but like an alcoholic who relapses and forgets ... More

Joy, But…

I have been getting scans every six months for the past two years and I find that I am hesitant to make any plans past the next six month mark.  It's easy to get in the pattern of living your life six months or one year at a time between those scans.  It feels like too much uncertainty for me to commit to anything because, ... More

Fear and Abundance

This has surely been an exciting few weeks!  And by exciting I mean I have had many opportunities to practice my yoga in the "real" world off my mat.  December 23rd I received notice that my Medicaid for Breast & Cervical Cancer Patients was not renewed and that as of January 1 it would be expired.  It was too late to ... More

Oh, the Humanity

In February 2011 I had health insurance.  I did not have a great, comprehensive plan because my employer did not offer benefits and I was no longer married.  What I had was an affordable, catastrophic health coverage policy because I was young and healthy.  And because a comprehensive plan was going to cost $375/month. On ... More

When You Have Faced Your Own Mortality It’s Hard To Do The Dishes

Written November, 2012... When I was in treatment I heard a few references to the fact that post-treatment is often when people have the most problems psycologically.  I can say for me that has been the case.  During treatment I was on auto-pilot for the most part.  I had psychological problems, but they lived in a little ... More

“What I Did At Camp.” Or, “How I Became a Nude Model at 40.”

I flew to Atlanta a couple of weeks ago to Patti Digh's Design Your Life Camp.  When she announced she was having one I knew I would go.  Just like you know when it's time to quit a job or eat lunch.  Then Patti asked me to come teach yoga at camp, and suddenly going to camp wouldn't cost me anything except time.  Of course ... More