“I can’t meditate!”

When I tell people that I teach yoga and meditation people that have no relationship to yoga and meditation tell me all the reasons they can't do them.  Or that they have always wanted to do them but don't.  Or that they have tried them and that yoga and meditation just aren't for them.  That's like someone saying food is ... More

We Don’t Need Redemption

I wrote this piece on redemption and light in October and it keeps coming back to me.  I heard on the radio that January 21 is the day of the year that the most people complain of depression.  I'm sure it's due in large part to the lack of light that occurs in winter and some sort of post-holiday let-down.  Also ... More

Suspense

sus·pense noun /səˈspens/ a.  A state or feeling of excited or anxious uncertainty about what may happen b.  The temporary cessation or suspension of something Wednesday I'm having a PET scan and bone scan.  They are routine scans, scheduled as a part of my maintenance plan.  In the past few weeks ... More

What Shall We Celebrate Today?

I have been thinking about adversity as a blessing many times over the last few years.  In moving through my husband's severe depression and hospitalization and how that affected our marriage, through divorce, selling our family home, my mother's battle with alcohol and drugs and subsequent hospital stay and then to my own ... More

Kissing Your Sister

I think I should be feeling pretty excited right about now. I had a PET scan at MD Anderson on January 5th and on the 6th found out that it showed no distant metasisis and no cancer in the local area of my first two incidences of cancer. The only issue was a seroma at the site of my October surgery. My experience there was "a ... More

I’m an Anomoly!

  Last Friday morning, while laying in bed doing my lymphedema massage (which is totally not a euphamism for anything remotely sexual) I discovered a small lump above my left breast.  It was very painful and I could feel that it was along a vein.  When I went to radiation I mentioned it to the radiation therapist and she ... More

Joy and Sparkle

  It's been nine days since surgery.  I feel ...  I have no idea how I feel.  My body is getting stronger but I'm not sure what's happening in my mind.  I haven't cried much, or cussed much or really felt much since my surgery.  I'm guessing that's because of the assortment of pharmaceuticals polluting my body at the ... More

Surrender

  I have spent most of the past several months going back and forth between surrender and pissed off in the grief cycle.  I'm sure this is normal, whatever that means.  In my life I have a pattern of getting upset because things don't go the way I plan, curse either to myself or out loud, then realize at some point that I'm ... More

I’m attached to those things!

  When I got diagnosed on February 28th I was sitting in my breast surgeon's office with my sweeetheart Cliff and my "adopted" mom Barbara.  I heard Dr. C say that my tumors and lymph nodes tested positive for cancer.  She said it in some less-than-blunt way, first about the tumors then the part about the lymph nodes.  But ... More

Wrestling Alligators and My Cancer Posse

  I'm very unsettled today.  I did the bloodwork that I was supposed to do Friday in Rockport but didn't.  Long story - I went to the lab and it didn't work out.  We'll leave it at that.  I found myself hugging the wall of the elevator of the oncologist's building, trying to make myself one with it so that when the doors ... More