My hair started falling out yesterday. I noticed in the shower that it was going. I decided it was time for a shave because I would find slowly going bald more depressing than ripping off the bandaid, so-to-speak. I texted my friend and hair-styling queen Jackie that it was time. Caleb was devastated about it and didn’t want to participate, so he went to a friend’s. Isaiah, Grace and my friend Tom and I went off to see Jackie after dinner. Isaiah and Grace did the lion’s share of the shaving. We put the center in a pony tail on top and they shaved a mohawk, then we did the rest. I don’t think we got a mohawk picture.
I was not particularly present in those moments. It was a little like I was watching a movie of someone getting her head shaved. I kept telling myself “it’s only hair.” I’m not Sampson, or even Farrah Fawcett. My hair is not me. Still, it was a part of me that I rather liked. So now I am missing tonsils, adenoids, an appendix, wisdom teeth, one fallopian tube and a lot of hair. How many body parts can one do without, I wonder? (For those of you who are dying to know but afraid to ask, yes, the hair “down there” falls out, too.)
When it was over I stood up and Jackie and I hugged. I shed some tears but didn’t indulge them too much because the kids were there. Then Jackie shaved Tom’s head, for solidarity. It’s good to have friends.
When Caleb saw me he declared, “Mommy, you look weird.” But all the kids keep trying to affirm that I’m still beautiful and awesome, even without hair.
On a somewhat unrelated topic I keep having weird chest pains, the source of which I couldn’t figure out. Then I remembered (giant miracle!) that the Neulasta shot can cause sternum pain because you grow a lot of bone marrow in your sternum. Mystery solved. Could also be caused by my heart hurting because I have been through the ringer in the past few years and I’m grieving a lot of crap. Probably a mixture of both. When I get down about that, though, I look up and see one of these three babies smiling at me with their giant brown eyes and sweet smiles and that helps a lot. Thank God for children – mine motivate me to rise above all the time!